The place where I work right now has a tie-up kinda thing with some African countries I hear. And maybe some countries in the gulf too. Really sick patients from their countries are brought here,in India to this hospital for ICU care. One such emaciated patient-he's just bones and skin now-is lying in one of the beds with a ventilator since 3 months. He's a Tanzanian national. My first hand experience of African poverty and destitution. I hear from the consultants that they don't have ICUs in their countries-the rich go to UK and such countries for required medical care.
Anyways, this blog is not about him but another little girl lying in another bed unconscious and intubated. All of just 12 years old,she had some kind of bad reaction to an anesthetic drug given to her during a procedure-is what was the preliminary assumption as diagnosis. And so her airways narrowed and she struggled to breathe in air-an act that we all don't even notice but do every second of our lives. 'Fortunately',there are machines and technology and she is revived and intubated to help her breathe,and I hope she does get better but by God, it wrings your heart to see that kid lay there all sedated, struggling from time to time to cough, hands tied to the bed-soft restraints we call 'em- to prevent her disturbing the position of her endotracheal tube. Just 12 years of age, black girl from Oman, with Afro hair in an alien country, not knowing any faces in her room, taking care of her,not understanding the language. That is a life that, with so many thoughts and ideas in her brain-so many more to take birth over the course of her life-all, right now kept alive by the ventilator. It really makes you question the logic of everything that is in existence. Made me even question God for a fleeting fraction of a second.
It got worse. She started coughing while the tube was being suctioned and the tube came out and she had to be re-intubated. This was her third intubation apparently. After settling down,later she briefly opened her eyes and wow, it felt so bad imagining how clueless and helpless she might have felt. I just consoled her back to sleep and tried to instruct her not to struggle out of the restraints. God knows how much she understood-but she did go back to sleep.
Like in my Slumdog Millionaire article, this is one another situation where the very very inconvenient question of 'why' can arise-why should she suffer like this, with no proper answer. Or just another frustrating self-loathing,self-pitying denouncement of the human race, but the world goes on. And to think,she will be called the lucky one to have got here and got access to the best available treatment. It sucks. Countless must be dying in poor nations while we read regularly of druglords and warlords use all the money for fighting and weaponry.
I am just looking for someone to talk me into finding joy and motivation at little victories like these than to be dejected by thinking of the ones left behind,cos it's quite difficult to be keeping it up by myself. I know such strong people exist and I hope to 'intellectualize' myself and be a positive force against this overwhelming negative force in this world.
I was excited about writing about starting work after a long time;the first duty day passed by with a couple of intubations, and I was lazy as usual to write,but this one was something I couldn't let pass so easily. Pray, the girl recovers completely to a healthy, hearty and full life.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Inception!
Practically speaking, there is no point in being negative. If you think about it, the smallest job is got done by wanting it in your mind/brain and then executing it. Grabbing a remote control, switching on a television set, fetching yourself a glass of water, so on and so forth- all these actions start with forming a positive thought in your neural circuitry which is then executed out. Everything happens in a fraction of a second and thus, it's taken for granted and becomes second nature. Now as the things to do become tougher and more rarefied among the daily life- the thought process takes more time to form the positivity depending on obviously, the failure rate and time taken for the tougher jobs. But then you just have to take a second and look back at the fact that driving is more complex than switching on a fan but it sure becomes second nature soon enough. Just the same way, if you just start doing the more tougher jobs, they may take a longer time, but soon enough, one will master it too. No exceptions.
So, this particular situation where I'm at a precipice of hope and effort waiting for my visa is a fascinating one for me where I see 'no point in being positive'. It's different from being negative. Just a delicately balanced place where nothing seems to be a positive or negative step, suspended in a some kind of parallel no-gravity stratosphere. Mind you, it does make me feel sad and helpless most of the time but from time to time, it is also a little interesting to try to see the options to steer this situation somewhere and failing everytime.
Anyways, on one such day I went to the movie Inception,mostly out of respect for genius that is Chris Nolan. Honestly, I lost track of the movie when it went into that snowy place in the last third. I still have a point to argue against the basic plot of the film. Planting an idea into someone. Ideas are born out of reason and motives to an end. If you plant them into someone's subconscious, I don't understand how they are supposed to stay put considering that once you get out of the planting process-dreams while sedated in this movie- you will have the same world and you will have to reason yourself to carry out the original decision instead of following on with the new idea.
I have to admit though, that I perhaps understood only 30% of the movie and also didn`t understand in the end if the con was successful. Utter boredom prevented me from rewatching the movie or researching it's story.
Still, Dark Knight and The Prestige were too good movies to have dimmed my awe for Chris Nolan even a little. Looking forward to more of his works.
So, this particular situation where I'm at a precipice of hope and effort waiting for my visa is a fascinating one for me where I see 'no point in being positive'. It's different from being negative. Just a delicately balanced place where nothing seems to be a positive or negative step, suspended in a some kind of parallel no-gravity stratosphere. Mind you, it does make me feel sad and helpless most of the time but from time to time, it is also a little interesting to try to see the options to steer this situation somewhere and failing everytime.
Anyways, on one such day I went to the movie Inception,mostly out of respect for genius that is Chris Nolan. Honestly, I lost track of the movie when it went into that snowy place in the last third. I still have a point to argue against the basic plot of the film. Planting an idea into someone. Ideas are born out of reason and motives to an end. If you plant them into someone's subconscious, I don't understand how they are supposed to stay put considering that once you get out of the planting process-dreams while sedated in this movie- you will have the same world and you will have to reason yourself to carry out the original decision instead of following on with the new idea.
I have to admit though, that I perhaps understood only 30% of the movie and also didn`t understand in the end if the con was successful. Utter boredom prevented me from rewatching the movie or researching it's story.
Still, Dark Knight and The Prestige were too good movies to have dimmed my awe for Chris Nolan even a little. Looking forward to more of his works.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
My Own Bucket List
I had a few ideas as to what I wanted to do in life, for fun. Outside of the daily routine, during my leisure time, my 'me' time sometime over the course of my life. Then I came across this movie-The Bucket List, a nice coincidence. A few more added up too and now I think these have concretized into my own bucket list/wish list/things to do list or a combination of all those. I have also been watching a lot of top gear and such shows so a few ideas from there might come in too.
1)Visit the Emirates Stadium-That is easy. As a wish I mean. As a staunch gooner(arsenal fan) all these years, it's on the top of my to-do list as soon as I garner enough money. A month's stay in London with 4-5 matches at the emirates and a couple on the away trip would be quite fulfilling. I don't mind settling in in North London either- in some capacity close to my club! hmm...on to bucket list rather than career discussion..
2)Learn a dozen languages-yup, 12 languages. Words and their usage is endlessly interesting. More languages means more words means more fun and fulfillment. I'll draw the line at 12 though.
3) Visit at least 24 countries-Oh yea. That one's easy too. Traveling is obviously fun. Coming from India, it would be really interesting to see countries like Malta, Austria and such European countries, for example which would have populations not exceeding small states or large cities of India, or the various cultures and people of Latin america, Europe, Africa. Needless to talk about it any more.
4)Get a letter published in The Hindu- I have harbored this wish since my childhood and it's chances have only been dwindling ever since. More time on the internet, lack of opinions on news, etc ., many such reasons are causing it. But in a corner of my heart, this wish continues to spark from time to time. The 3-4 letters published in the local Deccan Chronicle have not helped an iota in quenching it. Glad to see The Hindu retain proper class and decorum to it's letters to the editor section throughout it's various changes to the newspaper.
5)Learn to fly a plane. I'm only guessing, but the speed and solitude of the skies make this one an automatic choice,no?
6)Grow a 6/8 pack for sometime- Every guy would take it if possible.
7)Make friends with a fellow passenger during a flight and maintain the friendship with regular correspondence and holiday visits- This almost happened when I struck a conversation with this Scot on my last trip to US. We just got hurried into the immigration area, just short of exchanging contact info.
8)Internship in a car garage- For a month. Part time or full time. After my studies end, or fall in track somewhere. This one is quite exciting.
9)Learn to play 2 musical instruments at least.
10)Convert an atheist- Most of them atheists talk a lot of rubbish. I wish to at least convince one atheist that most of their arguments are just a cowardly excuse.
11)A roadtrip- No, make that 2. Or 3. And this is happening too. Met a guy on orkut sometime back. Good man and similarly passionate about roadtrips. So again, as my career streamlines a bit, I hope this one materializes.
12)Learn photography-just basic stuff. Clicking pictures can be very creative.
13)Earn a degree completely unrelated to my vocation- no idea what degree for now, but then that IS the point,no.
14)Learn as much radiology as can be and all there is to learn about that branch, with degree or without- Curiosity has become me and well, all my 'why's and 'how's in the hospital and clinical settings seem to have the answer in radiology. It just gives me a kick when I find the logical solution to a problem with a proof and radiology is the perfect cure for that. Always been envious of the old timer docs who could satisfy themselves by confirming things on imaging studies; they are good at both of them.
15)Say no and fuck off to a pretentious, condescending, self obsessed, insecure, desperately fake idiot I know. Let go off all the manners and reservedness and let one rip!
16)Reciprocate an air-hostess' kindness-Now, I'm a guy that loves the old fashioned elaborate manners and etiquette among normal everyday people. And nowadays, so many things to acquire in this world have left people with no time for the aforementioned traits to develop in them. So, I find those qualities only in the flight attendants. And eats me up everytime I get serviced pleasantly or watch others being serviced without a kind word in return towards the hosts except for the 'thank you'.-(Even though it's their job). Surely, a compliment would go along way in taking care of this wish. A good conversation appreciating them would be great.
Hard as it may be to believe, but the fact that many of them are so pretty has got no bearing in this wish. That would make a whole different item on the list.
17)2016 Brazil olympics- Heard a lot about the country being fun, and 2016 should bean amazing time to be there.
18)Wanna ride shotgun in a car with a dirt racing professional- Since I saw this guy doing this amazing drive on top gear.
16)Reciprocate an air-hostess' kindness-Now, I'm a guy that loves the old fashioned elaborate manners and etiquette among normal everyday people. And nowadays, so many things to acquire in this world have left people with no time for the aforementioned traits to develop in them. So, I find those qualities only in the flight attendants. And eats me up everytime I get serviced pleasantly or watch others being serviced without a kind word in return towards the hosts except for the 'thank you'.-(Even though it's their job). Surely, a compliment would go along way in taking care of this wish. A good conversation appreciating them would be great.
Hard as it may be to believe, but the fact that many of them are so pretty has got no bearing in this wish. That would make a whole different item on the list.
17)2016 Brazil olympics- Heard a lot about the country being fun, and 2016 should bean amazing time to be there.
18)Wanna ride shotgun in a car with a dirt racing professional- Since I saw this guy doing this amazing drive on top gear.
19) Visit few specific places on the world map--We used to have a globe when I was a kid and places like Japan, Chile, New Zealand, Fiji islands, Madagascar,Tunisia etc seemed like some corners of the world. It'd be amazing to visit them and tick off this childhood fantasy.(This is in addition to the 24 countries thing)
20)Build a hospital or something with no costs to patients- Looks like the charity thing finally crept in. But no, I would like this just cos it is an interesting thing. Nothing noble about it for me. Used to be a big time aim when I was naive and younger. Doesn't seem much point in things now after meeting all kinds of practical people in life. (Don't try to understand). Charity is becoming an abstract concept to me.
21)Destroy an apple product on the first day of it's hyperbolic release.
22)Take care of someone-and I mean, really take care of someone and make them happy. Mean something to them. Care for them and really mean good for them. -Something along those lines. I'll know when I see a content smile or hear a word of love or gratitude and I'll k now when to tick this off.
Could be a momentary gesture or might entail taking care of them for a prolonged period.(Doesn't include taking care of a patient).
23) MHC.
A couple more like owning a plush car or two(that makes it a couple) are kinda far below on the list. Wouldn't care much about them.
The list should expand a bit depending on what new things I come across in life. I do hope and pray that I stay away from the relentless competition to no end as a routine and be able to give time for myself and find joy and contentment in completing as many things in this list as I can. Everyone should, in my opinion. So, if any rich, heirless barons are on their deathbeds with terminal conditions( like jack nicholson in The Bucket List) I'd be too happy to go and take the bed next to them.
Having a good bunch of friends wishing good for you, and you wishing good for them, meeting them regularly, having nice fun is an eternal favorite though. Let alone topping the list,that could easily substitute for all of the above. But then, the world of grown ups is too ambitious and self absorbed to have such expectations of it.(I didn't even feel this worth mentioning in the first draft. Another abstract and distant concept if you might.Had to add this one in in the edit.)
As I end, I'd like to hail God cos He rocks for creating this thing called humor which allows us to laugh at our miserable f***** lives.
Update: I was suggested this movie Bed of Roses. The movie itself can be categorized from a decent rom-com to as little-girly-cliche movie as one can get, but within the first few minutes it gave me my perfect idea for a vocation. It's sort of a mix between number8 and number 22 above and made perfect sense to what I'd love. So many random people and so many genuine smiles you could elicit during that first few moments after delivering them flowers. You don't know the people so you don't know their vices nor judge them at that point. Maybe I could even make a collage of people and their reactions. Someday, definitely. Dream job.
20)Build a hospital or something with no costs to patients- Looks like the charity thing finally crept in. But no, I would like this just cos it is an interesting thing. Nothing noble about it for me. Used to be a big time aim when I was naive and younger. Doesn't seem much point in things now after meeting all kinds of practical people in life. (Don't try to understand). Charity is becoming an abstract concept to me.
21)Destroy an apple product on the first day of it's hyperbolic release.
22)Take care of someone-and I mean, really take care of someone and make them happy. Mean something to them. Care for them and really mean good for them. -Something along those lines. I'll know when I see a content smile or hear a word of love or gratitude and I'll k now when to tick this off.
Could be a momentary gesture or might entail taking care of them for a prolonged period.(Doesn't include taking care of a patient).
23) MHC.
A couple more like owning a plush car or two(that makes it a couple) are kinda far below on the list. Wouldn't care much about them.
The list should expand a bit depending on what new things I come across in life. I do hope and pray that I stay away from the relentless competition to no end as a routine and be able to give time for myself and find joy and contentment in completing as many things in this list as I can. Everyone should, in my opinion. So, if any rich, heirless barons are on their deathbeds with terminal conditions( like jack nicholson in The Bucket List) I'd be too happy to go and take the bed next to them.
Having a good bunch of friends wishing good for you, and you wishing good for them, meeting them regularly, having nice fun is an eternal favorite though. Let alone topping the list,that could easily substitute for all of the above. But then, the world of grown ups is too ambitious and self absorbed to have such expectations of it.(I didn't even feel this worth mentioning in the first draft. Another abstract and distant concept if you might.Had to add this one in in the edit.)
As I end, I'd like to hail God cos He rocks for creating this thing called humor which allows us to laugh at our miserable f***** lives.
Monday, April 5, 2010
A leisurely afternoon..
Today seems just perfect. The winter has just passed. A great day full of sun and brightness and warmth and a gentle breeze lavished upon Flint. And nothing to do. That,I think everyone in this busy world will agree is the best part. So I rest in our backyard with a couple of bread loaves, egg, jam, coke enjoying the leisurely afternoon. Having signed my contract for residency, days like these feel eerily like the calm before the storm though.
Sitting like this, the world of yesterday and before seems like an alien world. A world about 100 years into the future. I realize that it is now an active, bordering on energy expending activity to keep your mind away from the crazy goings on in the world. There is the release of the ipad-as polarizing in the technological world as the health care reform in the political world. Personally, apple products appear like toys for the grown-ups to splash their money and show-off. No specific utility seems to be satisfied by them which is not already available through other means. For a layman, that is.All the apple fans I've encountered are also childishly staunch and classlessly loaded. And how can the world run without youtube is beyond me. But then, I'm neither a techie, nor tech savvy, so who knows.
My dilemma as to which phone to acquire in july doesn't end. Although I lean towards the droid phone. I can't handle the fragile iphone, hate the nexus one look, htc hero..hmm maybe. Droid looks cool on their website at least. Then I look at my mail and see this-End-of-Life Care: Withdrawing Nutrition and Hydration'. BAM!
There really doesn't seem to be any respite from the disease and death and morbidity in this profession. Still, I shall keep my mind free and full of life today, courtesy this beautiful day.
In the news though...
The taliban terror rages on, in Pakistan. Yet the US keep empowering that country with everything under the sun. And as I said in my previous blog,nobody cares about people dying..the media is obsessed with the sania mirza-shoaib malik drama. Here again,Bal Thackeray comments on sania mirza make me laugh. He's 84 and he talks of tight clothes of young girls. This after his comments on Rahul Gandhi. One wonders if the old man is losing it.
The curfew in Hyderabad is relaxed. Here's hoping it all settles to normal by saturday, when I reach there.
Alex Song and Sol Campbell are doubts for an already injury ravaged team of Arsenal. What promised to be a spectacle of football is now just left in tatters. Still excited about this wonderfully poised fixture.(2-2) first leg. And then the IPL where Deccan chargers came off as a bunch of retards. It pains me to see such grown up internationals not having the basic common sense to know which bowler to lbock, which one to pick to attack, which batsmen to be given strike. Every numpty that came to bat tried to go after shane warne while rohit sharma was easily despatching every other bowler to the fence. Why not just block warne and let sharma win it for you from the others. No. R.P. singh i must say is the worst and most retarded cricketer I have ever seen in my life. He's the equal of Courtney Walsh's batting and Harbhajan Singh's nonsense at the crease put together. Gilchrist strikes me as a clueless captain himself. I really miss those olden days of cricket.
Now then... that's how Indians get worked up over cricket and me in particular about any sport. But I am here to enjoy this afternoon full of brightness. There, that brought another smile to my lips as I think of it and look around at the lush greenery and the nice houses. Nimble squirrel makes a dash from nowhere to somewhere. 'Ain't no sunshine when she's gone' What a song that can be sung for a girl at this time! Women are so blessed with all the chivalry and such wonderful songs going their way.
Almost a perfect afternoon, just short of that pleasant neighbor who I could have bumped into and had some nice conversation on some good things in the world. But this is good enough, getting to blog about the day, away from all the prides, egos and pettiness of all things human. Won't be long before I go back to encounter them all. So,, I guess I'll stop here and take some more time off with myself and a few melodies from that trusted companion of mine-youtube- in that same bright, sunny, warm day.
Sitting like this, the world of yesterday and before seems like an alien world. A world about 100 years into the future. I realize that it is now an active, bordering on energy expending activity to keep your mind away from the crazy goings on in the world. There is the release of the ipad-as polarizing in the technological world as the health care reform in the political world. Personally, apple products appear like toys for the grown-ups to splash their money and show-off. No specific utility seems to be satisfied by them which is not already available through other means. For a layman, that is.All the apple fans I've encountered are also childishly staunch and classlessly loaded. And how can the world run without youtube is beyond me. But then, I'm neither a techie, nor tech savvy, so who knows.
My dilemma as to which phone to acquire in july doesn't end. Although I lean towards the droid phone. I can't handle the fragile iphone, hate the nexus one look, htc hero..hmm maybe. Droid looks cool on their website at least. Then I look at my mail and see this-End-of-Life Care: Withdrawing Nutrition and Hydration'. BAM!
There really doesn't seem to be any respite from the disease and death and morbidity in this profession. Still, I shall keep my mind free and full of life today, courtesy this beautiful day.
In the news though...
The taliban terror rages on, in Pakistan. Yet the US keep empowering that country with everything under the sun. And as I said in my previous blog,nobody cares about people dying..the media is obsessed with the sania mirza-shoaib malik drama. Here again,Bal Thackeray comments on sania mirza make me laugh. He's 84 and he talks of tight clothes of young girls. This after his comments on Rahul Gandhi. One wonders if the old man is losing it.
The curfew in Hyderabad is relaxed. Here's hoping it all settles to normal by saturday, when I reach there.
Alex Song and Sol Campbell are doubts for an already injury ravaged team of Arsenal. What promised to be a spectacle of football is now just left in tatters. Still excited about this wonderfully poised fixture.(2-2) first leg. And then the IPL where Deccan chargers came off as a bunch of retards. It pains me to see such grown up internationals not having the basic common sense to know which bowler to lbock, which one to pick to attack, which batsmen to be given strike. Every numpty that came to bat tried to go after shane warne while rohit sharma was easily despatching every other bowler to the fence. Why not just block warne and let sharma win it for you from the others. No. R.P. singh i must say is the worst and most retarded cricketer I have ever seen in my life. He's the equal of Courtney Walsh's batting and Harbhajan Singh's nonsense at the crease put together. Gilchrist strikes me as a clueless captain himself. I really miss those olden days of cricket.
Now then... that's how Indians get worked up over cricket and me in particular about any sport. But I am here to enjoy this afternoon full of brightness. There, that brought another smile to my lips as I think of it and look around at the lush greenery and the nice houses. Nimble squirrel makes a dash from nowhere to somewhere. 'Ain't no sunshine when she's gone' What a song that can be sung for a girl at this time! Women are so blessed with all the chivalry and such wonderful songs going their way.
Almost a perfect afternoon, just short of that pleasant neighbor who I could have bumped into and had some nice conversation on some good things in the world. But this is good enough, getting to blog about the day, away from all the prides, egos and pettiness of all things human. Won't be long before I go back to encounter them all. So,, I guess I'll stop here and take some more time off with myself and a few melodies from that trusted companion of mine-youtube- in that same bright, sunny, warm day.
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